The Word 11/The Word 11 (Disk 2 of 2).adf/Files/09-Signs.txt/09-Signs.txt

Text File | 1996-08-01 | 6KB | 168 lines

|1-ACTUAL SIGNS SEEN IN


|1-FOREIGN COUNTRIES


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   In a Tokyo hotel:
$777          Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not
          person to do such thing is please not to read not is.
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   In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
$777          The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
          regret that you will be unbearable.
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   In a Leipzig lift:
$777          Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
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   In a Paris hotel lift:
$777          Please leave your values at the front desk.
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   In a hotel in Athens:
$777          Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
          hours ofr 9 and 11 AM daily
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   In a Yugoslavian hotel:
$777          The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
          chambermaid.
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   In a Japanese hotel:
$777          You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
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   In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
$777          monastery:
          You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
          Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
          thursday.
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   On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
$777          Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
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   In a Hong Kong supermarket:
$777          For your convenience, we reccommend courageous, efficient self-
          service.
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   Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
$777          Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
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   In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
$777          Drop your trousers here for best results.
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   Outside a Paris dress shop:
$777          Dresses for street walking.
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   In a Rhodes tailor shop:
$777          Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
          customers in strict rotation.
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   Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly,
$777          There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15000 Soviet
          Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the
          past two years.
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   In an East African newspaper:
$777          A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the
          contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
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   In a Vienna hotel:
$777          In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
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   A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
$777          It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
          people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
          together in one tent unless they are married with each other
          for that purpose.
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   In a Zurich hotel:
$777          Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
          opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
          used for this purpose.
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   In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
$777          Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
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   In a Rome laundry:
$777          Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having
          a good time.
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   In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
$777          Take one of our horse driven city tours - we guarantee no
          miscarriages
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   Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
$777          Would you like to ride on your own ass?
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   On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
$777          To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
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   In the window of a Swedish furrier:
$777          Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
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   On the box of a clockwork toy made in Honk Kong:
$777          Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
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   Detour sign in Japan:
$777          Stop: Drive Sideways.
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   In a Swiss mountain inn:
$777          Special today -- no ice cream
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   In a Bangkok temple:
$777          It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as
          a man.
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   In a Tokyo bar:
$777          Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
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   In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
$777          We take your bags and send them in all directions.
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   In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
$777          Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
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   At a Budapest zoo:
$777          Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,
          give it to the guard on duty.
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   In the office of a Roman doctor:
$777          Specialist in women and other diseases.
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   In an Acapulco hotel:
$777          The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
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   In a Tokyo shop:
$777          Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best
          in the long run.
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   From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
          conditioner:
$777          Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
          room, please control yourself.
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   From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
$777          When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
          him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
          passage then tootle him with vigor.
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   Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
$777          - English well talking.
          - Here speeching American.
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   In a French chalet:
$777          In case of fire, please ejaculate the premises.

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